The Rise & Fall of Bennifer

Remember how I confessed to you on this blog over a year ago that I like pop culture? Well, you probably won't be surprised with my next piece of information. I have been closely following the reunion of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. As I mentioned in said post, I was a fan of Bennifer in the early 2000s when I was a teenager. What appealed to me about them you may ask, besides the fact that they were two beautiful people who fell in love? Good question. I could relate to Jennifer's giddiness when she was around Ben. They both had the look of love in their eyes, they spoke highly of one another, were affection, did romantic gestures and listened intently to the other person when they spoke. Young romantic Raquel was all for it. They seemed like a good fit. But before you could finish saying the word Bennifer, they called off their wedding three days before. The official statement exclaimed that it was because of paparazzi intrusion, but word on the street is that Ben got cold feet. This happened in September 2003 and by January 2004 they were donezo. It seemed liked Jen L was tired of waiting for the man to commit. Who could blame her? What wasn't cool was that she married her rebound guy, Marc Anthony, six months later in June 2004. Around the same time, Ben started publicly dating Jennifer Garner. He then married Jen G in June 2005 when she was pregnant with his first child. It was all a hot mess as one can expect with celebrities and Hollywood.

Let me be very clear. Never once have I ever thought any of these people are model examples to be emulated. No. In fact, most of the time, famous people in Hollywood serve as cautionary tales.

Fast forward to the spring of 2021 and pictures emerged of Ben Affleck driving Jennifer Lopez, in Montana. The world went bananas! People who remember the early 2000s were thrilled! A second chance at love!The one that got away coming back to you! Being reunited with the love of your life! Yes please! Dreams come true! Miracles happen! Cue the confetti!

Photo by Shaira De La Peña

Except the miracle didn't last long and the dream became a nightmare not only for the two players involved, but for their loved ones and those who cheered them from far away. What went wrong? I don't think I have the energy to write everything that I've read. Apparently a lot. Articles have come out saying Jennifer Lopez and Ben are the example of why you shouldn't get back together with an ex. The argument being that they were exes for a reason. I disagree with this theory. I read a psychologist's take on their situation and she made it clear that getting back together with an old flame isn't necessarily a recipe for disaster. If you both have done some deep work, matured as individuals and can pinpoint what went wrong in your relationship, as well as have a game plan with how to do things differently the second time around, then it can work out. I believe Ben and Jen L believed they had each changed and resolved their issues, but atlas they have not changed (or not changed enough) and their issues remain the same.

Photo by Nick Fewings - @jannerboy62

Their breakdown and breakup in 2024 is more devastating because this time they actually went through with a wedding and they both have children. They dated for a year, got married and separated a year and a half into their marriage. After being apart for most of the spring and summer, divorce procedures begun. It's sad really. But then again, not shocking. They seem like very different people, with lots of baggage and selfishness. From the research I have done they both have made huge mistakes in their relationship. I am however, team Jennifer L, and here's why.

1. It was Ben who heavily pursued her to get back together. Being a writer, he woed her through email for months.

2. He would sign off every email with not.going.anywhere. to assure her that this time he was sticking around.

3. He proposed to her after a year of dating. Jennifer Lopez said at the time that she would never forget the sweet things he told her.

4. He knew what Jennifer Lopez was like (personality wise and fame wise) when he proposed to her. He wasn't living under a rock and had kept tabs on her and stayed in touch with her over the years.

5. He engraved on her engagement ring the words not.going.anywhere.

6. He kept gushing in interviews about how in awe of her he was.

7. After struggling in their marriage, Ben left their marital home in late April or early May 2024. He began to rent his own mansion. Leaving someone, especially someone close like a spouse, can be very traumatic for the spouse being left. It can even resurface abandonment issues from childhood.

8. He went and got the rest of his belongings from their home while she was on vacation.

9. He bought a new mansion on his own and for himself during her birthday weekend celebration. Granted that's when the deal went through and let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't do it on purpose. Still, I can understand why this deeply hurt her.

10. He didn't show up for her birthday while they were on separate coasts even though a month later she made a quick appearance at his house for his birthday.

11. Reports have indicated that she does not want this divorce. She would like to work on their marriage, but he is done and has been emotionally done for a long time (months).

12. Although, Jennifer filed for divorce on August 20th, eyewitnesses have caught him acting affectionate and rendezvousing with socialite and RFK Jr's daughter, Kick Kennedy since June! Oh, and apparently, they used to hook up before he started dating Ana de Armas. Gross.

We can all agree that Jennifer Lopez is not a saint and probably not the best role model for girls (due to her lack of modesty, lifestyle choices and vanity). I don't say these things to be mean, but because she represents all the things that world values that are opposite of what God does. With these things in mind, my heart breaks for her. I have so much compassion for her. She really did think this was her happily ever after (I know that's part of the problem here) and she considers Ben the love of her life. Meanwhile, this guy has done what many guys do to women, love 'em and leave 'em once they no longer want them. He love bombed her, promising her the world, telling her all sorts of things about how she's the sun, moon and stars. I'm sure he convinced her that he was a different man from his 30s, and assured her that he would never leave her ever again, nor break her heart. And yet he did. He broke his vows. His word meant nothing in the end.

Photo by Gil Ribeiro

I have started to pray for these two humans because reading about them and analyzing them without doing something feels like I'm just watching a never ending soap opera where I'm left feeling sad and helpless.

I pray for Ben that he would be held accountable for his actions, not just towards Jennifer Lopez but towards other women, including Jennifer Garner. That he would be startled by his troubled ways, realizing that not being able to commit will only leave him feeling alone. He has broken many hearts because he is a broken man. I pray for Jennifer Lopez that she would learn from being humbled these past few months that how she treats people matter. I also pray that she is made aware that her obsession with her self will only leave her feeling empty. I pray for Ben and Jennifer Lopez that they would have their eyes opened to the truth that none of the trappings of this world will ever satisfy them. No amount of fame, wealth, good looks, sex and/or other pleasures can give them the peace, joy, hope and love that their souls crave. Freedom and healing can only come from a relationship with Christ. And above all, I pray that Jesus pierces their hearts, makes them aware of their sin and their need for repentance. It would be amazing if they could accept the marvelous gift of salvation that is available to them both.

Photo by Ben White

If only they would bow the knee to Jesus and let Him transform their lives...what a testimony to the world that would be.

With love,

Raquel