I don't seem to fit in, in my North American society. I've never been overly ambitious, driven, a hustler or even fast at anything (except driving but don't tell anyone). I like to move through the world being present, smelling the roses, looking up at the sky, twirling along the ocean, sinking my feet deep in the sand because I love the way it feels. I like lazy Saturdays of slowly waking up, drinking coffee in the quiet, hearing the birds chirp outside, laughter with my family, meaningful conversations with friends and lingering meals.
Have you ever watched the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun?" It's about a woman who after discovering that her husband has had an affair and ends up divorced, goes to Italy on a vacation and then on a whim buys a villa and decides to stay. One of the reasons I like this film is because of the love that you see amongst people around the table. The beautiful and big tables are filled with colourful, delicious and good food. The meal scenes are bursting with people laughing, dancing, and even listening to poetry. There are kids and adults, men and women gathered. So much joy oozes in each of these scenes that I smile every time I watch and I long for beautiful moments of fellowship and food.
Photo by Moira and Raffaella
Since the start of spring I have been cooking and baking more. I go through seasons. I love cooking, and baking. Although, I don't do the latter as often. Some seasons of my life I have cooked more and others I haven't. When you live alone you don't always feel like making food for yourself (at least I don't). But, I've been having a desire to bless people through feeding them lately and so I've invited others over. I have served them meals that I've discovered through my cookbooks or from the internet. And this has filled me with happiness. Each meal or baked good I whip up for friends, I cover in prayer asking God that the recipients would feel loved through the food I make. And God kindly answers yes to these prayers of mine over and over again.
Photo by Kelsey Chance
There are times I look at people who can do a million things in a day and with such high speed and I get frustrated with myself. I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me. Anytime I have tried to go fast whether in jobs that I've had or in my personal life, I make mistakes or I hurt myself physically. Ultimately it adds stress to my life. I hate it. Basically, it's a disaster. A couple of friends Christina and Sue), in separate conversations, challenged me to view my slow pace as a blessing. They each in their own way suggested that perhaps the way I go about life is healthier than what our culture tells us we should be like. I'll admit I do believe that being present and taking my time is better than the hustle mentality, but I don't feel like it's valued. And then that made me think, why am I caring what other people think of me? Yes, I may not go at the pace that society promotes. Maybe even people who know me and care about me might think I take too long to do some things, but I like that I can sit in a park, stare at the trees and have a moment with God without feeling like I should rush through it. I like that I savour my food. I like that I sit down and reflect about how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling the way I am. I guess I'm saying that I like who I am. And God does too. He did create me afterall. He will most definitely continue to refine the parts He needs to in me, cutting off the bad branches from my life. I simply need to be open to the pruning, remember to live for an audience of One (i.e. to please God only) . But I can also thank Him for the qualities that He has bestowed upon me that reflect Him. I can even enjoy them, guilt free.
Photo by Jan Huber - @jan_huber
Peace and joy,
Raquel