There was a time that I leaned towards viewing the world through a black and white lens. Throughout my childhood, adolescence and even as I entered the world of post secondary education, I thought things were clear and simple. But in university I met all kinds of people who challenged my safe and at times, limited worldview.
Every December 31st there are photos and written descriptions of people's past year. While some will declare how the previous year was "one of the best ever," others will make it clear that it was "one of the worst years" they have had. But there are many of us who will (silently or publicly) admit that it was a mixed bag. A year can be filled with both good and bad, hurt and joy, fun and sorrow. Yes, for some it's clear cut (hard year or amazing year), but for others a season can be multi-coloured or perhaps not colourful and not black, but grey.
My 2022 started off good. Not amazing, not terrible, but filled with contentment. And yet the year ended with sadness. I'm sure you can appreciate my desire for privacy, especially online. All I can say is that I didn't anticipate the pain. 2022 was a mixed bag for me with colours of different shades. However you would describe your previous year I want to tell you that your feelings matter. I want you to know that God validates you and you don't need to explain yourself.
To mark the change in my life I did something to symbolize that. After years of growing my hair long (almost to my waist long), I cut it short (to my neck short). For a long time I had wanted to donate my locks to be used in the making of a wig for cancer patients. But, I was torn between loving my long hair and feeling restless with it. I've never been one of those girls who knows how to do a long of things with her hair. It was usually either up or down. On December 31st my loving dad booked an appointment for me with their next door neighbour who is a hairdresser because he heard me talk about wanting to cut my hair and donate it for cancer (he's so sweet). It was a caring little push that I needed. I decided no more going back and forth with this thought. I needed to take the plunge!
Photo by Kelly Sikkema (not my hair)
Would I be sad afterwards was a question that would pop into my head whenever I contemplated doing the drastic change. You have to understand my long hair felt like my crowning beauty. Maybe it's because I'm Latina and for Latinas our hair is a huge part of our femininity and beauty. I can report with complete honesty that I have not regretted this change for one second. I am loving my short hair! I don't miss my long hair or even feel sad when I see other girls' long locks. I feel happy and at peace. The fresh cut symbolizes a fresh year and a new start. I don't know what this year will bring, but I trust the One who holds the future. This Latina with less hair and a broken heart will open her hands to whatever comes her way. Life is about learning and loving and I'm thankful for the love of Jesus who makes this life worthwhile. I hope you allow yourself to feel all the highs and lows of 2023 and that you invite God to be your companion throughout it all.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema
Happy New Year friends! Raquel